Hello my fellow Americans.
This here blog is dedicated to the proposition that all men are not created equal. But most, if not all, are somewhat annoying. Some more than others. I may indeed be one of the leading practitioners of the annoying class. Look, right there. Who says PRACTITIONER? Only annoying dweebs.
We're all sucked into this social networking thing. If insanity and inanity had a baby it would be Facebook. And it would be promptly abandoned on some annoying person's doorstep. As it should be.
I can't stand to see one more inspirational wise saying on the innertubes. If I'm looking to FB for inspiration I should slit my wrists 2day. Look at that! I just wrote 2day instead of today. Now that's annoying!
Most of us just can't help being irritating. We tailgate. Every time I get on the road I feel like a ten year old boy being stalked by the automotive equivalent of Jerry Sandusky. Back the F off!
How about those zombie pedestrians? No wonder George Romero made his zombie movies here.
Bicyclists? They can't wait to come into the coffee shop after a hard day getting in everyone's way so you can get a quality whiff of their bicyclist B.O. They think it's ok to stink because it ain't easy bein' green?
Smokers. Um, some major evil people have conned you into an addiction that's killing you. Yes, you'll die one day anyway, but now it'll be sooner and more painful. Moron.
How about bloggers? Typetty Typetty SHUT THE HELL UP.
If you knew anything, you'd know something.
We will be carefully chronicling human foibles and social networking nerds on this blog. Now what a bunch of horse manure that is. Carefully chronicling? I'll be casually observing and weighing in when the spirit moves me. How freaking careful is that?
You should come to the comedy show Saturday August 4th at the Cabaret Theater downtown Pittsburgh - THE ANTI SOCIAL NETWORK.
FB EVITE FOR ANTI SOCIAL NETWORK COMEDY SHOW (Mildly ironic, No?)
Gab Bonesso is really funny.
Jia Ji is a social network NINJA. And you don't even know what that is. Me neither. But it sounds intriguing, no? I can't tell any more.
Robert Isenberg is a social network aficionado and author. Wow. I'm so full of B.S. Aficionado? Is that supposed to give him extra street cred? What's worse is I had to look up the spelling of aficionado. Which should mean I don't get to use it. Too late.
Bill Peduto is one of them guv-ment geeks who's way too much into YouTube. He's a city councilman. He's the grooviest councilman on council. Of course, that's not a high hurdle to cross.
Anyway, they'll all be there and it'll be groovy and funny. Or at least funny. Click the poster above. DO IT.
How have we arrived at this curious moment in history? A moment in time in which we're all beginning to achieve our potential to be one of the most annoying humans on the planet.
Handy tip: God is NOT on FB.
He invented time. He is insulted by wastes of time. As HE should be.
I only know 'cause he told me. He came to me in a dream. I said "God, why don't you come to me when I'm awake?" He said "Does it matter? You're delusional enough to believe God came to you in a dream as if you're something special. As if..." I said "God, you're using Valley Girl expressions." He said "The fact that you're even using the phrase 'Valley Girl' means you're hopelessly out of date. No wonder you're in Pittsburgh."
And then poof, he was gone. It was like a dream. Um, because it was one.
So, with that authoritative credibility firmly established, we move forward.
You have to concede everyone in your life is annoying.
They just won't stop. They just won't shut up. They harp on the same things over and over. They are harpers.
What can be done? Jack Doogie. We're stuck. This is it. You only go around once. At least, so far as we know. And we know squat. This could be our fifteenth time, how would we know? Is your reincar nated? Can't really be sure.
We may be trapped near the inner circle of fault.
So, we'll be posting videos and stuff, about anti social behavior and such.
For example, what kind of punk would joke about homeless people?
And what kind of surreptitious smarty pants would video tape someone and narrate their annoying behavior?
What am I 12?
So. Keep your ears open. Ya'll come back now, ya ear?
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